It is actually easier than you think
In today’s world it is very easy for you to get your ego boosted in some ways.
Social medias and today’s society have created a spiral where you feel like you need to show more, and subsequently receive more attention.
The initial goal for you would be being more confident and boost your self esteem.
Often tho, it creates a distortion of what standards might be.
This will lead to the exact opposite reaction and get you even less secured.
It is okay. It is totally normal, and there is a very simple way to get your confidence back, and your self esteem retrieved.
You will first need to understand awareness and self awareness are the keys to a better self.
I wrote about this in my last article.
In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) we get to realize many of us get lost in their own map of the world (age, sex, culture, religion, experience…).
Robert Dilts, one of the founders of NLP, created a compass of language.
Understanding this will help you to become more confident and boost you self esteem.
When you receive an information, you process it through your own personal map of the world.
There are four ways your map will process this information, and this is where the confidence and self esteem can take a hit.
Information: “Let’s meet next Monday for a coffee.”
- Omission – your map receives an information but forget a key part.
“Let’s meet for a coffee.”
Effects on confidence and self esteem – You stayed at home on Monday, while the other person waits for you at the coffee shop.
The other person, most likely, doesn’t feel listened, respected, nor taken into consideration. How does this makes you feel on Tuesday when you meet again?
- Interpretation – your map receives an information and substitutes the meaning.
“Let’s go on a date next Monday.”
Effects on confidence and self esteem – You come, all dressed up, for a coffee. After one hour, this person says “Well, It was nice.” and leaves.
Your expectations have not been reached, you may feel disappointed, sad, or maybe even heart broken.
- Judgement – your map receives an information and adds an opinion.
“Let’s meet Monday for a good coffee.”
Effects on confidence and self esteem – Monday comes and the coffee doesn’t taste good at all. You are disappointed, you may start questioning the value of the information given to you and if this person is trust worthy and reliable.
- Distortion – your map receives an information and substitutes a word.
“Let’s meet next Monday for a tea.”
Effects on confidence and self esteem — Monday comes and you want tea, but there is non on the menu. You don’t like coffee. What are you going to drink? You may feel ashamed, embarrassed and bored.
Now, when you know this, imagine yourself and everybody around you does the same.
You can understand why to be confident and keep your self esteem high can be a challenge.
In the era of social medias, the answers have to go fast.
You are one like, one tweet away to be judged.
And then, you will process this information.
Let’s do a test.
For one week, question everything you see and hear, avoid Omission, Interpretation, Judgement and Distortion.
When someone will tell you; “Let’s meet next Monday for a coffee.”
You’ll simply go for a coffee on Monday.
If you feel, the information is not clear enough, repeat it and ask the person giving you the information if you got it right.
“You said let’s meet Monday for a coffee. Should I bring my laptop in case we are going to work? Should I dress up in case we are going out after?”
It is highly important to repeat the whole information as you heard or seen it.
This way you are making sure you did not do any omission or interpretation.
“If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”
– Nora Roberts
This way, you will avoid many misunderstanding and disappointments.
This also intrinsically boost your confidence and your self esteem.
Now this is not over yet.
An information goes both ways.
YOU have those tools now, but many other don’t.
This is why it is important you will be patient with the people you interact with. Make sure your information is clear and understood.
“Let’s meet next Monday for a coffee, so we can work. You can also dress up, since we might go to dinner after. So, Monday, you, me, coffee, work, and dinner.”
If the person is known to be forgetful, do not hesitate to confirm the day before by text.
Obviously this applies to everything.
To sum up, if you want to boost your confidence and your self esteem, you have to take any information with perspective and dissociate yourself from it.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
– Marcus Aurelius
This tool will most definitely help you to be more self confident and boost your esteem.
3, 2, 1… ACTION!
It is also important for you to protect your map from the type of information you make it process.
The more you feed your map, the more it learns.
So make sure to feed it with the most positivity you can.
I’m not saying you should stop all of them, but you should regulate the intake.
Why those three?
Well, those are the places you are the most receptive to imprint information. These are also known to be the places where people spend the most time on daily basis.
Remember our test? For one week, question everything you consume.
Now, try to also notice the impact it has on your confidence and your self esteem.
“Did I learn anything from this which will impact positively my life?”
Social medias, news and Netflix are being made for you to consume.
Who is not confident and lacking of self esteem is more likely to be more receptive and addicted.
All of those tools I gave you, are keys to your confidence and self esteem.
It is important to be surrounded by the right people and receive the right kind of support.
This is why getting a mentor or a coach can help you boost your potential exponentially and consequently make you more happy.
You can read my article here on how be more happy using neuroscience.
21 days, this is all you need to create a good habit.
If you feel it is not as simple as it looks, it’s okay.
Go easy on yourself. Remember, Paris was not built in one day.
“Mediocrity is easy, the good things take time, the great need commitment.”
– Bob Seger